Yesterday!

yesterday morning, after having a "sumptous" breakfast i trotted to the department for the first class. i was about 10 seconds too late. devoid of a "p" i sat down dejected and irritated. "i didnt wake up in the morning to attend this lecture without being marked present."
as planned, i started copying all of my pending assignments-4 in no.- on the last occupied bench of our classroom. the first 3 were copied letter to letter in a go. the final assignment was of management. when i half done, my pen stopped working. to my dismay, it was the only one i had. i tried the nib at all angles-making spirals, gave the pen a few jolts and various other complex sets of movements in all directions. the pen wouldn't simply write. it was as if it was protesting against its continuous use since the last 1.5 hours.
through the translucent plastic, suddenly my gaze fell on the refill.
it was dry!
well, that was the happiest moment of yesterday! in my 2 years at college, i had never achieved this feat. i had never been with a pen to witness such a thing! they are such important "things" for a student and you never seem to comfortably find one for the first class. either its stolen or dropped or....basically lost! i distinctly remember that in second year after being fed up of buying a pen everyday, i bought a Parker worth rs.350. " yeh mehnga pen toh main ni ghumaunga. plus no one will take a fountain pen." it remained with me for 3 weeks. then one day it was Hanger's birthday. we found the "Rhythm" of life and were on cloud 9. we had fun that evening. after 1am, it was all a blur. that was the last time i saw a self owned pen! that day, i decided to be in the mob and start lifting pens instead of buying them! it has been almost 2 semesters and i am yet to buy a pen.
in hostel, its the same with buckets, slippers........
and that's how i managed to survive the boring lecture. i had a unique experience; my smile-ear to ear!

machi and his woes!

people talk to share-anger, happiness, dejection........yesterday night, my bengali friend from across the corridor caught my arm and cleared his throat to express those " twitched eye-brow" expressions stamped on his fore-head. he is one of those thinking kinds who have an opinion on almost all subjects concerning a normal man.
on first thought, i wanted to get away as soon as possible. it was 2.30am and i didn't want to break the continuity of the novel that i'm reading. well, after trying my best to free my hand, i finally submitted-preparing myself for any kind of wisdom that could possibly flow out from his mouth. i have met only 2 kinds of bengalis- those who eat fish and more fish and those who drink, smoke, snort and make life paradise(they have fish anyway....)
a little high, this friend of mine whom we affectionately call machi had tasted a few beers in the evening. after parading myself for a couple of times in the corridor, building up my expectations, he finally let his tongue loose.
chumi-another alias of his-expreseed his deep regret at his inability to drink anything his entire life.
" yaar tere ko chadh gayi hai." i smirked.
he squeezed my hand in his giant fists and looked at me very innocently. he added, "we bloody bengalis have to eat everything- from a cake to fruit to water and wine."
"yaar tu so ja."
"no, listen to me man. i have a point." he demanded.
"alrite." in the last couple of years at college i have realised that every drunk guy has a point. they seem to get intellectual enlightenement and wisdom only after midnight.

"i didnt drink beer today."
"hain? then what did u have?"
"i had beer. but i didnt drink it man. i ate it. i eat water. i eat soda. we bengalis cant drink.......man...beer khabo....jal khaabo....man, its frustrating."
......and i had stereotyped people who repetitively used 'man' as drunk. this guy was out of the league. he wasnt drunk. he had gnawed at his beer.
to add to his woes,i started laughing uncontrollably. he said," yaar endley, you think of my situation man. i want to drink something. i want to desperately try drinking something."
he indeed was high. i led him to his room and subsequently his bed and convinced him to go to sleep. " But i still can't drink anything man!" i heard him shout as i closed the door behind.
i deeply sympathise with you dear friend. i tried my best to convey my helplessness at his situation.
and then i laughed..........he is the man who can never drink.

i have many friends who belong to his part of the nation, its a pity i could never strain my muscles before.....

life is pretty...oh so pretty!

it had been a couple of days since i stepped out of home at nagpur. i had made many plans to jog to get some fresh air and enjoy the rains but found myself sleepy most the rainy season. cold breeze do induce sleep a lot! so i had been sleeping after returning from bangalore. yesterday,it poured continuously and mom came home at 5 pm. she narrated her saga of how every auto on her route had water in the carburetor and how she finally got into a city bus. all this charged me up!
i had to go grocery shopping today. i thought I'll go for a jog first and then buy the stuff.
i jogged. i walked. i sat. the weather was good and i didn't have a care in the world! i decided to complete a circuit. when i had barely covered a fourth of it, it started drizzling. YAY! i reached the lake, half drenched. had roasted maze and started again. then i realised i had left my phone at home! it was a blessing in disguise. 10 minutes later it started raining heavily. like everyone else, i started looking for anything that would cover my head. it had started pouring. the road was now a stream with the big rain balls splashing on running water and exploding into nothingness. the wind made the rain come in at an acute angle. everyone was afraid to get wet and started forcing their way back away from the edge of the tin shed of a closed shop. the road had been deserted and the yellow of the street lights made the flowing water glow. every drop that hit the road turned to amber. it was such a simple phenomenon(if you call it that) but it was so beautiful.
about 10 minutes had passed when i saw an elderly couple walking right in the middle of the road enjoying their evening as if it were their last. he wore a maroon t-shirt and dark pants. his walking stick was white and matched with his clothes. his smile was toothless but i hadn't seen such an expressive smile for quite a while.
the next thing i recall is i was sprinting on the road, jumping into every pothole that crossed my way. i smiled at the old man in gratitude and ran away. it didn't seem to tire me. it felt as if i had the breath for a 100 miles. Rain drops were falling on my head and i could hear myself sing, "life is pretty, oh so pretty."
every shelter i passed, someone came out, jolly and smiling. i shouted in joy.
the closer i came to home, the less i wanted to step in. so i stood in the rain, facing the clouds-smiling at them. it was awesome.
i rang the door bell and mom came out-worried and frowning. then she saw my clothes dripping water and said, "keep whatever you have brought on the table and take a hot shower." oh! i had bought nothing. i laughed!
i looked from the veranda, it was still raining. i tied my laces again and stepped out. i ran.....

"sahib, aaj toh aap baal baal bache."

last week was an extended weekend for me. i distinctly remember goining to office last on thursday. then on i was on official holiday! the person i report to was on leave....and so was i! extremely eager( read extremely late) to get out of home, i had a quick bath and ran off to catch my bus. it was a luxurious ride to office. i spent half an hour there before starting my routine site visits. an engineer had volunteered to show the construction site around. i had just put on my helmet when he suggested to rest the string of my helmet on my chin. it was hanging loose near my ear. "as if anything's going to happen." ( though i am witness to an accident, i thought it was not that kind of a day). he enquired if i wanted to climb up the vertical ladder to the upper levels. "oh yes! lets utilise the helmets!"
with a grin i started climbing up. it was a long ladder. i reached the top,out of breath and my palms scrathced. i sat there till i felt blood running in my head. as he was explaining the type of construction i realised that i was a foot away from the edge of a beam, 25m high. i stepped back. it was then that i saw what i had missed the last 10 mins. what a view that was! clouds high up in the sky, the yellow blot on the clouds marking the sun and trees on both sides of the road. it was good!

when i went to the other end of the beam, a hissing noise took all my attention. the engineer had stepped on a rubber pipe attatched to a gas flame cutter with an lpg cylinder right behind us. the nozzle was a defective one. i was scared shitless! 2 labourers present on the beam tried there best to close the valve of the cylinder, then of the gas cutter but all in vain. running away from the pipe, a labourer, an elder, started shouting that its goining to blow! phew! "so this is it then." i thought. i had just put my foot forward for the dash when suddenly the hissing faded away. the other man had temporarily repaired the pipe. i wiped the sweat off my brow. i tried to breath deep. i inhaled lpg. when my heartbeat reached normal, i climbed down the ladder. we both sat on a bench a few metres away.
"sahib, aaj toh aap baal baal bache." i almost cramped my neck to see a labourer smiling at us.
" so how are you?" the enginner asked.
"better."
" these sort of things are normal, but yeh toh kuch zyada hi tha. i thought this is my last project."
" nah. they say your life flashes back when your moment arrives. mine is yet to come!"
we laughed and ordered a dosa from the shop behind us.
a friend of mine says "do second main duniya badal jaaati hai."
i agree!

my love story

i met a girl in 3rd class, zermina. it was love at first sight. the way she smiled to me straining her neck every time she turned to talk-her eyes twinkling and her colgate white teeth made of the 'whitest' ivory- what a sight that was! i used to sit just behind her always cursing the boy she sat with(my teacher used to call it "desk partners" but i refrained from calling him that). i read at Bhartiya Vidya Bhawan, Chandigarh and she used to almost consistently top my class. her "dark greenish blue" eyes had the depth of an ocean her rich black eye lashes were the shells that kept the pearls safe(my debut at Google with a purpose enriched my lexicon wiht turquoise and emerald), her shoulder length hair neatly made into 2 pony tails and the sweet accent she used exponentially increased her charm. she was indeed a beauty with brains. i have a natural attraction to the things that i dont have.
it was a time when i wanted to leave a good impression on my teachers so that they complained less about my bad hand writing to my parents. when she raised her hand to answer, mine went down as a reflex. her voice had no comparison. i used to sit with a girl named Sugandha and had her telephone number too but i hardly called her. many of my friends had a crush on her. she was mean to me. i always used to forget some of my stationery at home and she used to complain to the teacher when i asked her for a pencil. i hated her to the hilt. time flied by and my dream of running away with Zermina on my cycle will never turn into reality. i had a talk about this with my grandmother and after a couple of minutes i realised that i had scared the wits out of her so i didnt tell her the minute details of the plan.

one day as my class treacher introduced us to a boy, a new comer in class who was to sit in Zermina's seat which had been vacant for a couple of days and i could hear my heart tearing apart. i almost cried in class. i let tears roll down to my ears under the cover of a bedsheet at night. i could hardly go to sleep.
whenever something bad happens, i compare it to my emotional state that day. it's the lowest i have ever felt.
well, after she was gone, i started talking to the girl who now occupied her seat and develped a distinct liking for her. well, it didnt last long. i was scared to see her go too.
13 years hence, i'm still the same. afraid, scared, fragile hearted..........

Spring time!!

i wrote the last post in a not very happy mood! well, it happens!

it had been an almost sleepless night after eagerly waiting for bhabhiji to come home after nearly half an year. after the long drive back home from the airport, legs cramped and backs aching we were all finally home by 3am and after a having the various dishes and my cousins laddoos i was in bed by 4.30am. being sleep deprived for long, i fell into the arms of Morpheus instantaneously and woke up leisurely by noon. (yes we all had bhua's permission!) i started my daily routine and after breakfast settled down to type my report. after a while, we all started video chatting with dada(my eldest dear cousin). till then it was an extraordinary day, though predictable with the usual humuor and jokes.
then it happened so suddenly that i could not believe if it was real. yes. i had a newly gifted phone from my dearest bhabhiji! yay! well, i cant recall if there was any emotion that didn't surface. the ear to ear smile (people call it grinning) expressed my happiness the best. i thank her from the bottom of my heart. it had been long since i experienced such happiness! although the loss of the last phone brought me a little closer to reality, it was the present that i concentrated on!
what an evening it has turned out to be! even this happens and i'm sure not to common people!
as people say,
"if winter comes, can spring be far behind?"

PS: if you read this, please mail me your phone number!

it happens

people say shit happens to common people. i had my doubts......
i slept late last night as i had planned to skip office today. dad woke me up at 8.30am and advised me otherwise. after much pondering over the subject i finally got out of bed at 10 and was ready for the day by 10.40am. skimmed through the paper, drank boiling hot milk, scalded my gums and then fell asleep on the easy chair for a while. suddenly i realised i had an office to go to, i started from home.
an auto nearly hit me as i crossed the outer ring road and finally boarded the bus to the first change point. as usual, the seats were all occupied and i managed to stand on one leg with my right arm holding firmly the horizontal iron rod at the top. after a couple of tries, my neck was finally above the mesh of arms and shoulders and sweat scented arm pits and felt the "fresh" air going to my lungs. i was carried by the moving crowd down the bus at my stop and crossed the road to board another bus.

all buses that came my way were jam packed and i decided to take a Volvo. well, there was not an a.c. bus in sight for the next 15mins. so i boarded the common bus and made adequate space for myself near the door. no more than 10 seconds had passed when i realised the sudden emptiness of my pocket in my trousers. phew, i had lost my phone. i checked the floor if i had dropped it, asked many of my co passengers about it, successfully requested many to turn their pockets out, unsuccessfully requested some to turn their pockets out(all i got was a flick on the shoulder warning me not to pursue it) but all in vain. my phone is lost. it had been with me since the day i started using one. well, i thanked myself i had written my cousin's phone number in my diary. i was a bit shaken but i kept my cool. i was not frustrated.

i reached my office only to be told by the receptionist that the person whom i report to was on leave and i was free. now i was frustrated.
well, "it happens" as i used to say. many of my friends wondered how not common i was, i guess you all have your answers now. shit happens to common people. i am a common man.........

yawn……

some days are just not worth it.  eat ,sleep repeat!

end sems are are right on my head and here i am whiling  the weekend away.  some times the weather's too good to study and sometimes its too bad.  i’d started reading “ a hundred years of solitude” and even that was thrown away. the more i think of studying the more i feel dizzy !( if the administration reads this, i’m  BODied!)

i should be placed in the planning commission-they only make the plans, executing them is none of their business.

i slept at 6 am today. the clouds were all that was in the sky. some of them were brightly  illuminated  by the sun. it was awesome.  i woke up at about 2.30pm. it was drizzling! the cool breeze  that went through the hair, the rain drops that fell on the face- cool and refreshing. i was on the roof of the hostel and it felt like the top of the world! all that left me wondering why i’m not  of the kind that live in poems…….

phew…i have a lot of submissions for tomorrow plus a viva. lets get dizzy again!

"move up, you must"

many a time there comes a day that shakes your very roots. you dont fall, you regain your strength and fight back. you reach higher than the last time-adaptation as darwin had called.

this nimbus i felt the same. i had slept through the first half of the first day and couldnt participate in any event. i was busy in the second half as i was a member of the core team. the second and third days also went by and all i could participate in was a quiz by the ece dept. on the final day, during the prize distribution ceremony ,for a change, i started to look back on my life and finally after straining my head to the hilt(remembering things gives me headaches) i concluded i've wasted most my life sleeping. that was the day i resolved not to sleep more than 6.5 hrs a day.

when i had come to college a couple of years ago, i had a planned everything out. plain laziness had made me dormant. dejected and sad, i went to bed that day but couldnt sleep. the pangs of remorse of not utlising most of my time were eating me from inside. that was the time i made my plans again. i figured out how i was going to spend the next 2 yrs at college. "when i pass out i dont want to look back and see myself whiling time away."
then i slept like a baby. i woke up early the next day. had all my meals and then sat down to work.
every birthday i take a new resolution. there are a few of them on which i'm yet to start. this sem and those yet to come, i'll make them reality.

this sem i'll study and prove myself correct. this sem i wont waste time. this sem i'll work!
"move up, you must."

it's a strange strange world!

i some times wonder what motivates people to do what they do. is it out of fear or quest for knowledge or experience or something even more abstract and unknown to me?

we had performed 8 experiments in our soil mechanics lab and i had written a couple in my journal. my file had been so since 5 weeks. every Thursday our prof. used to threaten us with hints of correcting it and marking it the next time. many a time i had borrowed files of my classmates to make another copy of a copy of a master copy. then the hunt for a pencil and a pen began (never mind the eraser, i hate the sight of those crumbs of rubber all over the desk/bed). All was in vain."kuch ni hota" was all i used to think and went to sleep every wednesday night. its so strange that when you don't need the stationery, the shop is always open and when you would give any price for a plastic sharpener, it's always closed. Many a time i managed to find a pencil too but the want of a sharpener made the last half an hour long adventure useless.

yesterday i got to know that today every ones practical files would be corrected and that a viva voce would also be conducted. last night with little will and sleepy eyes i sat down finally to complete my journal after tirelessly hunting for the master copy till l2.30am. with a heavy heart and the sight of my room mate sleeping i updated everything. i had manged to find a pencil of half the normal length and a sharpener. i made all the diagrams and completed the pencil work and even plotted many graphs. i had sharpened the pencil to a length that even the smallest of hands would find too short to work with. i had noted a couple of readings wrong and had drawn a few diagrams on the wrong pages. since i didn't have the luxury of an eraser i went for a long hot bath (i call them full course baths)at 5.20 am and was in bed by 6 am.
i woke up late today and almost missed the first class. i had a feeling that its not the day for a viva or correction. when everyone studied for it, i slept in the 3 hr long break.
and lo! even the practical was not conducted today! I'm psychic!
you are walking on the road and suddenly you think of a name of the person who's walking behind you. some times you look back to confirm who it is and 80 percent of the times its right! it does send shivers up my spine!!

i don't want to think about tomorrow. god only knows if I'll have faint dreams or unforgettable nightmares!

Mine is here!!

"yours is here."
every day in the newspaper i used to read this line below the dell logo. i wondered when the ad will refer to me. the wait is finally over! i wasnt entitled to a laptop in the first sem. the second and third sems were all about plain laziness!
the fourth sem is turning into a productive one! when i didnt have a laptop i craved for one. now when people ask me how do i feel about it, all i can say is yeah...feels gud....err....u knw how one feels after buying a laptop......

i was excited though on the first day. i had sprinted all the way from admin block to gate 2 to collect the package. it didnt last long...

but it did save me from utter boredom this weekend. almost all of my batchmates are home. this sem home is a distant dream for me thanks to the attentive profs who count heads when calling out roll numbers when i'm in the comfort of my bed.
its a blessing in disguise though. the weekend is mine! i have time to introspect and to sleep! i've been told by many of my friends to write a book. i thought about that too! (dnt get too excited i thought of a name, the contents are still a mystery!) assignments and practical files are being completed now!

YAY! mine is here and i'm content!
Happy HOLI!!